Today, after a very, very rough beginning at the Confucius Temple (which I wish not to remember ever again), it turned out to be a pretty good day. It was strongly advised that when we got back to the hotel after the temple, Tracy and I go outside and do some activity. Scott was supposed to make himself scarce. So after about 20 minutes, Tracy and I gathered up our badminton set and soccer ball and headed down the elevator. Guess who was standing there when the doors opened? SCOTT. Thankfully our guide was also there and said something to Tracy in Chinese and she continued with me outside. She was pouting the whole way, but at least she was walking. We kicked the soccer ball around for about 10 minutes and she started pointing to the hotel saying "Baba". I waited at least another 5 minutes and said OK because I knew Scott wouldn't be in the room. Tracy let me put fingernail polish on 3 fingers and she did the other 7. Then we ran into another family that was going out for a walk so we joined them. We had to cross an intersection and she wouldn't hold my hand. She started to have one of her meltdowns and I told her we would go back to the hotel if she wouldn't hold my hand. So I got the limp noodle fingers and we continued on. We shopped around for about 1 1/2 hours and then headed back. We swung by the grocery store and bought a few things and she bought me a package of m&m's. This may not sound like a big deal but it was huge! We got back and Scott and my dad were in the room. We showed baba everything we bought and started playing with the balloons. We were having a good time and she was laughing so much. She has bought a couple of guns (Oh Joey, you finally have someone to shoot with, she LOVES guns and watching military movies) and we were playing with them. We went to dinner at the hotel and she sat with me this time (first time ever). All these things she doesn't do on her own, she has to be told but at least she's doing them without major meltdown. I let her walk back to hotel room with baba (to show her I was willing to share him with her) and let baba give her a bubble bath tonight.
She wouldn't let me brush her hair after her bath, but that's OK. She's old enough to do it herself. We had major breakthroughs today, I didn't want to ruin it.
She is a huge gum chewer. But she would only offer gum to Scott and scream if I asked for a piece. This afternoon, she has included me in their little gum chewing club.
I'm trying not to kid myself. I know we still have a long, long way to go. It's just going to be very difficult when she has another meltdown because of me after all this progress. I know it will happen, I am expecting it anytime, but it will still be devastating.
Unknown to us at the time, Veronica (our guide) called the orphanage today after the mishap at the temple and told us that Tracy was very, very attached to her foster mom, and that she was a stay-at-home mom and the father worked very long hours almost everyday. Veronica suggested that Tracy was feeling like she was 'cheating' on her foster mom and after she learned that I loved her and she could trust me, she would begin to let me in. When I told Tracy I love you the past 2 days, she would scream shaking her head no, but today when I told her she would just pull away and shake her head and smile, no more screaming.
I posting some good pictures I got of her today. She hates her picture taken so I had to do these at a distance without her knowing. Good thing my camera has a good zoom.Tomorrow is another day and if it's half as good as today, I'll take it.
I know I might be a little prejudice, but is this model material, or what?
I've posted 2 videos on you-tube (link is at top of blog on right). Will post more tomorrow.
9 comments:
She is absoutly beautiful, yes she does look like model material. Just like some one said in your other comments, baby steps, I am sure that she will come around, you have so much to give, it will just take a little time. Each day will be a little better, with a little set back in between, but her relationship with you will grow. So how are grandma and grandpa doing with you in China? Love ya all. Aunt Linda
laylah cant wait too play makeup and have a sleepover with tracy and her NEW bed.
and she is excited to meet her. hopefully kortnie when she here it will come to her how much she is loved. laylah is taking good care of the kitties.hope it gets better real soon love marie and laylah
I'm so glad that things have started to progress. I bet in a few weeks, things will be tons better. Bless you for hanging in there and taking it in baby steps...it will pay off in the long run!
Are you guys with GWCA? I had a guide named Veronica too who was AWESOME! If you have the same Veronica, that is another wonderful thing in your favor. She will help so much with Tracy. She really helped us with Macey and I am eternally grateful.
I'm looking forward to following along on the rest of your journey.
Donna
mom to Lena & Macey
What you are going through sounds so similar to what happened with our family. I know how much it hurts to be rejected, but know that it won't last long. Things got better fast once we got home. She can see that you love her no matter how hard she pushes on you, and that will create a wonderful bond and trust later. You're in our thoughts, stay strong.
Jolean
(Fellow Nanjing Adoptive Parent)
Sounds like things are getting better. And YES!! SHE IS GORGEOUS!!! :) It is so hard dealing with the meltdowns. I remember one time when Zhong Fa was running away from us in the hotel (probably playing, but going way too far for our comfort levels), he had a severe meltdown when I told him that he needed to hold my hand and walk with me and I had to contend not only with him throwing himself down on the ground and screaming, but also with a security guard who was telling me to go in one of the shops and buy him candy so that he would stop tantruming!!! She asked him in Chinese what kind of candy he wanted me to buy him without waiting for a response from me!Uggh! You will have setbacks, it's true, but already you're noting that the meltdowns are lessening in severity and frequency! Keep focusing on the positive. Don't forget to try and get the foster mom's address so that you can mail her things from the U.S. It may even help Tracy if you start planning what kinds of pictures she'll want to send her from the U.S. to let her know that she's okay. That can be very healing if she feels that you and she are going to do things to help her foster mom with the loss as well. I am sure she'll having loyalty issues. We can't wait to see you guys.
YEAH! You really have accomplished alot, I know you must have been on pins and needles, that was a long time away from Baba! She is such a pretty girl, I love the image of shooting guns with painted fingernails!
Jia is having some attachment issues as well, the over-attached type, but issues all the same. We didn't notice them in China as we were always together. She is OK with baba going to work, but needs to talk to him on the phone often and is very excited when he comes home, BUT I CANNOT get out of sight at ALL! Baba tried to take her on a short errand Saturday, and returned in 5 minutes with a red-eyed, puffy faced lump-o-girl. She was petrified! Even in the house, if I leave the room more than 5 minutes, she starts looking anxiously. Its like having a fifth leg, I have to watch were I step, or I'll trip over her!
We can certainly understand the issues, thinking she was probably about 5 yrs old when abandoned, but it still can wear you down, and we are all adjusting every day. So take care Kortnie and Scott. I have to remind myself there is no urgency, these things will resolve over time and all I can do is take it as it comes (I'm a get it done kind of person, so this is a test!)
Relish the sucess, and glad to hear from you Kortnie,
your fan club in Austin
Hi mommy we miss u very much. Vinnie is at camp and he will be back tomorow and we hope he is having fun. I have been reading your blog every day and we have been watching the videos. It rained here today very hard. love Joey
Hey kids!! Just droping a note to ya. Stay positive! Tracy will come around and will take to K she just needs some time. She will be a daddys no matter what anyway. Nature has decided this. Ha Ha!! Welcome to my world Scott. Any way things here are good. boys are fine, Vin will be home tomorrow and the crazy house will once again be complete. Tracy is a cutie aimone knows her by sight when we peek at the blog. Sisce she loves to talk so much Shelly and I were thinking; Simone can help her learn english and tracy can teach her Chinese. Ought to be a chuckle in there somewhere. Well! take care, have fun, enjoy your new daughter. Be patient... This coming from me!! Ha!
Leon
HEY BARNES FAMILY.
We are avidly following your adventure here in the unit. We are cheering you on every step of the way. Can't wait to meet her! When she's ready for all of us...she may never be ready for such a rowdy bunch...
MSICU
Post a Comment