daddy and his little girl
Tracy with Grandma
A Forever FamilyThis is Scott doing the blog today. Well, what can I say about this experience? It has been the most exhilirating, joyful, wonderful time of my life. Simultaneously, it has been one of the most painful, dispiriting, and emotionally trying times as well. The pictures you saw yesterday after we brought Tracy home bore little resemblance to her just an hour after we left the pool. Tracy, of course, misses her foster family and her extended orphanage family greatly. No sooner had things quieted down after swimming, she dissolved in tears and was inconsolable. It is hard to explain how much you can love a child that you literally just met a few hours prior, but there it is. It really was quite painful to watch knowing you can do little other than hold her and show her how much you love her. The pain she is going through is tremendous and we all know that as difficult as it is for us, it is much, much greater for her. She has bonded very well with me, but she is pushing Kortnie away and will have little to do with her. This is very hard for Kortnie, as you can imagine. It hurts me to see two people I love so much going through so much agony simultaneously. We both knew that she would likely bond with only one of us initially, but we both thought it would be me on the "outs". It didn't turn out that way and I would do anything right now if I could reverse things. I'm probably better able to handle rejection at this stage than Kortnie. She just wants so much to be able to simply hug her, but Tracy won't have it. This too shall pass we know. Not any the less painful for knowing that though.
Tracy slept well throughout the night (she's actually still sleeping, it's 0530 in the morning) thankfully. She is too beautiful for words! I'm watching her sleep right now btw. I'm hoping for a better day for her and Kortnie. Btw, if any one out there is taking Chinese lessons prior to picking up their child, pay attention in class!!! If there is anything I could change about this experience it would be being able to speak her language a bit. The trite phrases I have in my verbal arsenal she really laughs at! Oh well, we're getting by with wo ai ni (I love you) and hand gestures and much patience on her part. I'll try and post again a little later and let everyone know how our day went. We sign the official adoption papers today (she is not ours yet) at the Civil Affairs office. She's a keeper! A little underweight but we're not gonna' throw her back.
9 comments:
Hang in there Kortnie!
Sposari family
Kortnie, just have a few patients, you are a very loving person and I am sure that tracy will come to love you as much as you love her. It will take a little time, like all good things. Have faith in both of you. Love ya, Aunt Linda
Hi you guys,
I really, really, really feel for you, your posting was very touching. What you are experiencing is so expected, especially when foster parents have been in the picture, yet so hard. Try to remember that the harder they grieve, the more they have learned to love, and in the long run that is a very, very good thing. I don't remember where I read it, but 85% of the kids reject the mother figure, I thought it would be the opposite, so Tracy is sticking with the statistics. Love to you Kortnie, I know you are aching to hold and cuddle, you will get there. Tracy is in very good hands, with patient and understanding parents who would already walk over coals for her. When you finally do taste the love, it will be all the sweeter.
Know that you have our support,
sue and arlie
Scott; Very good job on your writing your feelings and how things are going over in China. Kortnie hang in there this has to be a little scarey for Tracy,she'll come around it will just take a little time.
Uncle Craig
My thoughts and prayers are with Kortnie and the rest of your family...
Traci in New Braunfels...
LID 5/18/06 for Jasmine Nicole
Hey guys!! I was crying looking at the photos and am crying more now having read the difficulties with the beginning! I so much want to give YOU guys a hug and assure that it's all going to be all right! Kortni, if it makes you feel any better, I probably had a thicker skin than most, having been a stepmom first, but you're just in a tough spot. No one can replace "mom", even the second one. That's a deep, deep psychological thing that those little ones can't get past. Just know that you're doing great and keep hanging in there. If it makes you feel any better, Zhong Fa told his counselor today (after having a great day with me, and in Chinese camp, & I might add, after me not only not losing my cool when he had an accident in his pants in the car after I asked him not to drink any more water because it would be at least 15 mins until we got to a bathroom, but also buying him an ICEE after changing his clothes in the Target bathroom) that Mommy could scare away the monsters in his dreams because 'she hits REALLY REALLY hard!!' while looking at me and laughing deviously!!! Then he added that his sister has been hitting him a lot lately- she hasn't been here since school let out,mind you!@ I just bit my lip and let it go. What can you do? You're the stable point for them and yet the first one to get tinkled on!! Ha Ha. Things WILL GET BETTER!!! And it's totally normal that she's at ease with Scott. Again, another deep deep psychological thing. :) Maybe try getting the translator to write out the word "hug" and "kiss" and "love" in Chinese on a piece of paper and tell her that you'll keep it in your pocket for her and when she's ready, she can reach in your pocket and get it. That puts her in the driver seat, it's hands off, it's symbolic, and it signifies an indefinite amount of time that you're willing to wait for her to accept you. Just a suggestion. I am so into the visuals and concrete gestures, as you know!!!
We were thinking of you guys especially hard yesterday while we were in Chinatown in Houston. We kept checking your blog on our phones, but couldn't post. Can't wait for you to get back. So far, I am the only one who's seen this recent post, but Zhong Fa asked to see the earlier posts multiple times. He really keeps pushing the advice to tell her 1000 times every day that you love her because she's not going to be able to believe that anyone loves her and wanted to come all the way to China to get her!! He's so articulate when he's not playing pranks on me with the counselor, ha ha.
Make sure you're getting your sleep; it's way too draining to experience all of those emotions without good sleep. We can't wait for you guys to come back. Let's try to get together soon after you get back-- Wii and dinner at our house? The Wii is in a Universal language, I have found....
Barnes Family,
Thinking of all of you as you go through this trying time. I can't even imagine what it must feel like, as each of you copes with such huge changes in many different ways, especially little Tracy. I know that you know it will all take time, but that doesn't change the pain of the moment. . . praying for you for brighter days ahead.
Blessings from TX~
Tina Winder
in SA
Hang in there! Keep praying, hugging and talking!
Cameron
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